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You can also train yourself to make sure the child fully understands your response, with “I just told you my answer. ” This allows the child to present their opinion or get clarification.
Either way, the child is allowed to express their thoughts or concerns and feel validated without an argument. First, it creates anxiety and fear in the child, especially of the person who you are going to tell about whatever happened.
Train yourself to say what you want them to do instead of what you don’t. Notice the common element is starting with the word “you” and then acknowledging what they worked at, rather than what you think about it.
So, you can say “Walk, please” instead of “No running”. Children are programmed to question, analyze and wonder about situations.
A kid can sit down on a chair facing the back, and we make them turn around.
Train yourself to acknowledge their behavior without a judgment, such as “You chose to sit the other way on the chair” or “You colored the grass purple instead”.
I will also give the Play Therapy based alternative with a short explanation of why it is more effective.However, many times we force kids to do something the “right way”, when it could have been done in several ways.If a child is coloring the grass purple, it is easy to tell them it must be green.Second, the threat is usually not something that is feasible to do (we are going home, you are going straight to bed, you don’t get dinner, you are grounded for a week, etc.) What we say in frustration is not only impractical but easily forgettable. You can train yourself to be clear and concise, using choices.
“If you choose to (continue that behavior), you choose to (receive whatever consequence has already been established as a punishment)”.
I can’t tell you the number of times I hear that phrase when around other parents, even though it is highly ineffective.